Summary #
The video discusses 13 crucial points every parent should know before their child turns three, aiming to shift parenting from survival mode to enjoyment. These points cover understanding toddler brain development, effective communication strategies, the importance of consistent routines and expectations, modeling desired behaviors, allowing for struggle, offering limited choices, and managing transitions effectively.
Toddler Brain Development and Emotional Regulation #
- Prefrontal Cortex vs. Amygdala: The prefrontal cortex (emotion control) is undeveloped in toddlers (matures until age 25), while the amygdala (triggers big feelings) is highly active since birth, leading to intense emotions.
- Survival Mode During Tantrums: When toddlers are highly upset, their thinking brain shuts down, making reasoning ineffective.
- Tantrum Response: Instead of reasoning, validate their feelings ("You're really upset. I get it.") and provide a calm presence to help them regulate emotions.
- Timing for Explanations: Explain or discuss issues only once the child is calm and their thinking brain is back online.
- Reframing Tantrums: View tantrums not as defiance but as a child struggling to express needs or emotions, prompting parents to identify and teach missing skills rather than merely punishing.
Effective Communication and Teaching Skills #
- Repetition is Key: Toddler brains need constant repetition of instructions and concepts before they stick.
- Tell What to Do, Not What Not to Do: Provide clear, positive instructions ("Walking feet inside") instead of prohibitions ("Don't run") to guide behavior effectively.
- The "Count to 10" Rule: Give toddlers 10 seconds to process and respond to an instruction before repeating it, as their processing speed is slower.
Praise and Motivation #
- Praise Effort, Not Fixed Traits: Avoid praising inherent traits ("You're so smart") as it can lead to a fixed mindset. Instead, praise effort, strategy, and persistence ("You kept trying even when it was tricky") to foster a growth mindset.
Basic Needs and Consistency #
- Hunger Management: Toddlers need to eat every 2-3 hours (5 meals/snacks per day). Check for hunger when behavior deteriorates.
- Consistency from Caregivers: Ensure all caregivers (parents, grandparents, babysitters) have a consistent approach to major rules and boundaries to reduce confusion and testing behavior in toddlers.
Routine and Predictability #
- Importance of Routine: Consistent routines provide security and control for toddlers, reducing stress and promoting cooperation.
- Preparing for Changes: Give toddlers a heads-up when routines need to change to help them prepare mentally.
Modeling Behavior #
- Observational Learning: Toddlers learn by observing parent behavior, including how parents handle problems, interact with others, and react to stress.
- Modeling Imperfection: Acknowledge and apologize for mistakes (e.g., yelling) and model self-correction, teaching stress management and relationship repair.
Fostering Independence #
- Allowing for Struggle: Let toddlers struggle with tasks (e.g., putting on shoes) to build confidence and problem-solving skills; offer guidance rather than doing the task for them.
- Limited Choices: Offer only two choices (e.g., "banana or apple?") to give toddlers a sense of control without overwhelming their developing brains, reducing decision-related tantrums.
Managing Transitions #
- Toddler Presence: Toddlers are fully present in their current activity and don't anticipate transitions.
- Creating Clear Endings: Help toddlers prepare for transitions by creating clear endings to activities, using specific words and timing to make them feel finished rather than interrupted.
last updated: